Being active is not limited to just touching. Being the active partner can have a lot of different connotations, including penetration, but there is a wide gap between gently stroking someone’s earlobes and full anal penetration, of course, and these couple of blogs are meant to explore that space. Another, more involved method for the active partner is anal massage, something a lot of people – both receivers and givers – tend to shy away from. First of all, it may feel uncomfortably close to penetrative sex, but many men also seem to have a hang-up around their anus, especially if they consider themselves to be ‘only a top’. And then there are engrained worries of this being somehow dirty: if you intend to have sex, wouldn’t you clean yourself down there first? Get over it already: there is so much juicy excitement available, why would you want to miss out on that? External anal massage is a very gentle practice, but full of expectation and excitement. Rule n°1: always use lube. The area around your anus is extremely sensitive, and nothing is more of a turnoff than irritated skin around the anus. The sensitivity has a bonus, though: even small movements of your fingers may have a huge impact. Keep in mind: excite your partner, don’t irritate him! It’s usually enough to use a single finger (maybe two) and gently press them into the skin, then slowly massage around the opening, letting things develop as you go. Remember how it feels to just stroke the hairs on your forearm without touching your skin and how that gradually becomes to strong that you have to put your whole hand down to calm that sense of overwhelm? Your anus area is more sensitive than that! Therefore: be slow; stay in one spot for a while and when you feel like moving on: stay there some more. And then move by just a little bit and repeat. In my experience, just doing this can be wonderful for the longest time! The point of this sort of stimulation is to make your partner feel relaxed and comfortable, and excite him at the same time. If you have received an anal massage before you are aware how wonderful it can be just to be touched around the outside of your anus. Hours can go by where you are totally relaxed, floating in a universe of arousing sensations, your mind going to strange places at the same time. Less can be so much more!
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These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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