Of course, I work from home and only ever see clients rarely anyway, and in terms of professional interactions nothing much has changed. When it comes to socialising, my life has changed in a huge way, though: even in normal times I was not particularly excited at the thought of meeting lots of people in noisy places, and the lockdown has shifted the general situation in my favour, really. Where in the past I had to constantly explain myself for not wanting to go out (and nobody understood my plight to stay away from groups of people), I suddenly find myself part of a silent majority of people who follow the rules of social distancing and/or stay at home altogether.
It turns out that I rather like staying on my own, and the thought of meeting ONE friend for a distanced walk or sitting somewhere with a cup of coffee and having a quiet chat excites me much more than anything else. In a way, I’m now in a position to meet people on general terms that work for ME rather than having to fall in with a ‘normal time’ majority that does not really understand where I’m coming from. I always thought of myself as ‘shy’ when it comes to interacting with groups of people, not wanting to be the focus of attention, yet at the same time being annoyed for not being part of it. I had also wondered if I’m an ‘introvert’ at heart, but could not really align either of those two ideas with my feelings because I do like being around other people, listen to them and enjoy their company, being part of the group in some way that I could deal with. These days, I find myself being apprehensive of crowds (and that includes people invading my 2m safe zone on a constant basis) to a point where I had a physical reaction only two weeks ago where my heart started to race, I got dizzy and weak in the knees. I guess I had my very first recognisable anxiety attack – and I hope this was also the last one because it was terrifying. Maybe this sense of terror was always there, and I was just able to maintain my safety barriers because I had to. Three months into my isolation, those barriers may have withered away and I have to learn again to keep them up. Either way, the battle between shyness and seeing myself as an introvert continues. It’s even possible that they are both just symptoms of an underlying uncomfortable feeling of being around too many people. Only time will tell. For now, I’ll have to gradually get accustomed to being around people again.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
|