When you think about conscious sensuality, bondage is not the kind of image that immediately comes to mind. And yet there is something about bondage that can be enticing and enabling your sensitivity to sensual connection. Let me explain. The first thing most people would think of when bondage is mentioned is BDSM practices, or a vague sense of what might be involved with it. The image is indeed mostly one that includes all parts of BDSM: Bondage, Domination, Sadism and Masochism. However, bondage on its own is nothing else than physical restriction. Domination and S/M practices can come on top of it, but are not necessary. Neither is bondage necessarily a part of domination or SM… Bondage comes in many forms, from the classic handcuffs (“NOT the fluffy pink ones, master! Please!”) through ropes, plastic tape, fabric all the way to being hogtied and hanging from a hook on the ceiling. The main element, strangely, is not in the physical restriction, but the giving in to the fact that you are NOT in control, letting go of control and accepting that state of mind. Why is this important? Simple: a good part of your sensual (and also spiritual) experience relies on your ability to let go of expectations and opening up to that which you don’t expect to happen but would like to. On a physical level, you may wish for something to happen, but you are not ready to allow yourself that experience. Being out of control of the situation may just allow you to not only accept what is being given to you, but actively enjoy it (“I was not in control”). That does not take away that any serious bondage experience is subject to serious control mechanisms like agreeing on consent, having a safeword, an understanding of both partners what is acceptable (that’s what the initial discussion to set boundaries is meant to ensure), and the clear knowledge that whoever is being restricted is the one who calls the shots, NOT the giver/master. On the mental plane, restrictions can lead to spiritual experiences. Letting go mentally means that your mind does put up fewer barriers not only to the bodily sensations, but also to your thoughts. Any internal processes or external stimulation may end up steering you onto new pathways that you would never even have conceived of without those restrictions. All this is not limited to physical restrictions either: bondage can be a purely mental process. It can involve nothing more than a blindfold, or a bit of heavy rope hanging from your wrists, without any knots or real constriction at all: it’s all in the mind. In fact, bondage can take the shape of strict adherence to instructions given by the giver/master. Given the right stimulus, anyone can actually conjure up a sense of being restricted, just like someone lying on top of you may create a sense of weight that could be instantly removed but ends up being strangely enjoyable. Bondage, properly done, is not a restriction, but a liberation
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These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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