There is one important area where most people get seriously confused: the idea that the ‘passive’ in the context of gay sexuality is synonymous with ‘sub’ or ‘bottom’. Because in fact, it isn’t. Let’s take a look at these pairs: active/passive, top/bottom, dom/sub, masculine/feminine and get some perspective on those terms. Active simply describes who at any given time is the more physically active partner in a couple, passive is the one who is relatively less physically active. Let’s be clear about this: during any encounter, it is likely that not only the level of activity will increase and decrease and may even switch to the other partner. The main thought here is to do with physical effort. Top and bottom are technical descriptions of the relationship between two guys during an encounter, who puts what into whom: the top is simply the partner who inserts something into the bottom’s body (usually a cock in a bum, but that could be a probe, or a couple of fingers in a mouth, etc.). The third set of opposites is dom/sub: the dom is the one who calls the shots, the sub is the one who gives his consent for things to happen. From a viewpoint of Tantra, we are looking at an surprisingly popular incarnation of the masculine (doing an activity) and feminine (allowing the activity) aspects of sexual energies. It’s a psychological relationship rather than to do with the actual activities. Masculine and feminine are especially strange terms as they could simply be a gender description, but it could refer to the sexual role at a given moment (being a bottom or submissive). I would stay clear of using those terms to describe the relationship of sexual partners. The confusion stems from the fact that the majority of guys treat ‘active’ and ‘top’ as synonyms (with elements of ‘masculine’ or ‘dom’ thrown in for good measure), but they don’t always align. Being active does not necessarily mean you are a top: just think of power bottoms (active and bottom – and receptive), and being a dom does not imply this has to be a man. Think about using the right terms for the right things!
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September 2021
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