Sometimes it turns out to be really hard to explain the status of our personal relationship with another person. For example, there is no good word for what’s between friendship and a monogamous relationship… “Friendship” traditionally implies a close emotional connection without a physical aspect to it, while being in a “relationship” implies a close emotional AND sexual aspect. That leaves us at a loss to describe anything in between. Clearly, conscious sensuality is living somewhere in that gap: so how shall we describe our connection with our partners on that level? It’s a good thing that gay men have been prolific in finding words to describe these situations, but sometimes even those terms don’t hold up to scrutiny: what about someone I have met intimately and see on occasion? Is that a “friend with benefits” or a “fuckbuddy”? There is a difference, but it’s hard to grasp and seems highly personal. What about that (possibly random) guy you just finished doing tantric practice with? He has experienced a very intimate side of you that few people have seen before. What do you call a person you had a very intimate, but non-sexual encounter with? A “lover without benefits” has a negative vibe to it and “soul connection” feels a little vague and at the same time too pompous for what it is. In addition to this initial question, there are different types of intimacy you can experience through tantra: one partner could be a total match on a sensory level but you have no energetic connection, while you can practically smell another one’s aura but when he touches you there is no spark. This is neither friendship nor relationship, but they are meaningful, so what would you call them? While this sounds like splitting hairs, it is crucial to examine our connection with our partners: sometimes we react to the vibrations of a voice, the way someone moves, or we feel an instant connection, and if that happens in a sensual context, we form bonds that require different approaches. Describing these bonds and naming them helps you move forward through experience. you can only build on a connection you can identify
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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