Of course, we are all able to think ahead and hope for things to happen. However, hoping for something and wanting something are two entirely different things! When you go out for a walk, you’d hope that the rain clouds won’t open their floodgates. When you start a business and set out to make it a success, you may have a goal in mind, but mostly you will be engrossed in the work you do rather than forward planning, right?
It is useful to make time and sit down with yourself and nobody else, and consider not just the next steps, but what the ultimate goal is supposed to be. Rather than having a vague goal and some solid steps in its general direction, it may be better to start with a clear goal and then take one step at a time in the general direction of that goal. And there’s the rub: it all depends on just how clearly you can see that ultimate goal and how to determine what it actually is. Here are some thoughts on that subject.
First of all, defining goals needs a mix of realism and the ability to dream big. Oftentimes, a goal seems impossible to reach at first, but that’s not to say it can’t be a goal. I’m not part of the “if you can dream it, you can do it” brigade. I believe there are obstacles we simply cannot overcome in a single lifetime. But that doesn’t mean you may want to work towards that goal! Any progress is a step in the right direction.
How does this relate to conscious sensuality, then?
Well, what works for life in general also works for your emotional, sensual and sexual needs. You may not be able to achieve what you wish in the first place, but if you take pains to find out what exactly you WANT to achieve – be it a long-term partner, a particular sexual experience or a more spiritual way to live your daily life – it is important to define what exactly you are looking for. All the above examples are too vague!
Look at the ‘sexual experience’ option, for example. Do you want to experience this in real life? Or watch in? Or is it enough to fantasise about it? Who with? Under which circumstances? How safe do you need to feel doing it? Will it involve a friend keeping you safe?
These and many other details need to be clarified to transform this idea into a proper goal. And interestingly enough, the process of defining your goal properly already gives you some first steps to take to make it happen. Answering those questions that come up and considering carefully how you answer them is how you find out what your true desires really are.
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about.