The modern world has brought – and keeps bringing – a lot of change. One of the most deeply troubling one is the sense of separation many of us feel from the world at large. Looking back just a couple of generations, most of our ancestors were closely embedded in their families, neighbourhoods they lived in, a circle of friends, professional contacts, etc. You might say “yes, but so are we today”, and you are right, of course. One thing is very different, though: in the past those circles overlapped quite a bit. Today, they all seem to be separate for many of us. We tend to live on our own, often far away from family. We live surrounded by people we have no connection with. Our circle of close friends is speckled across the globe, and our work and professional contacts tend to be separate from all of the above and only really on our radar when we are at work. I’m not saying this is all bad, there are advantages to do with personal freedom and flexibility, of course. The crux of the matter is that not only have our networks been spread out very thinly, they also use the same space as a couple of hundreds of other people’s networks. This means not only are we spatially separated from our core group, but we end up seeing lots of interactions of other people that are completely unrelated to us, even right outside our front door. As gay men, we often end up in noisy places with lots of people, drinking, dancing and generally ‘having a good time’. And while that may be true, many of those who revel one evening fall into a deep pit of despair the morning after: suddenly alone again because the wild activities of the previous night were just superficial. I have given up on those evenings long ago, because I prefer to spend a meaningful time with someone in a quiet place. I don’t drink, I don’t like crowded places… so where does this leave me and – I suspect – many others like me? Falling back on Apps like Grindr or Scruff might bring about a bit of hot action on occasion, but does it really fill your emotional needs? Maybe what we need is a more personal approach to those directly around us, and making a proper connection with a few of them rather than a superficial brush with them all? a connection is worth it if it has the potential to last
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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