Yes: I did see clients for work, of course. But let’s face it, mostly that was preparation, and the social element of my work is often rather unidirectional, and geared more towards emotional and practical support than it is to exchange pleasantries.
So here I find myself: stuck at home and kind of loving it. At first – like everyone else – I was panicking about money, if work will return one day, how to move forward, and what to change in order to survive this. But then, only a couple of weeks in, I realised that any further action would not really bring me any advantage – and I stopped racing forward and settled into this new situation. There is a certain appeal to NOT having to rush and do things half as much as in normal times. Admittedly, I am attracted to this more solitary life, and I find it refreshing to just be on my own without having to find excuses why I don’t want to be dragged out to meet a group of people at once when I actually much prefer to meet them separately. That said: I do realise that I’m someone who needs people around me to engage with, I just don’t enjoy groups. As a result of being on my own most of the time, I find myself more open to random thoughts and emotions, and to experience them to the fullest. I have laughed more in the last two months than I have for years – and I have cried more, too. I believe this to be a sign of liberation and acceptance, not having to hold in for fear of being misunderstood of judged for it. It’s a strange situation: I love being on my own, but in order to feel whole I have a need for people nearby. I guess that would be the quintessential description of monastic life: on your own within the embrace of a community. I had more time to think and come to conclusions about ideas that have been churning in my mind for ages, and am finding myself drifting off into meditative moments throughout the day. Normally, I would be busy or call myself back to the tasks at hand, but now there simply is no reason to stop this from happening. And I like it very much. Maybe I even like it too much: there is a gravitational pull to the idea of doing this forever. It is hugely attractive to let the world drift past me and stay away from it, and I’m not sure how I’ll feel when the time come to fully re-engage with my physical surroundings after being attuned to the metaphysical for a while. I guess this is a close as I’ll ever get to being a monk… Hello there: I realise this was a little different from previous blog posts. I actually hesitated before posting this as it seemed much more personal than other posts. And then I understood that others might be in a similar situation and may not yet have come to the conclusion that this is all right and, in fact, a chance to experience life in quite a different way from what passes as ‘normal’. I hope this encourages you to explore this wonderfully different path for a while as well.
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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