I often find that guys who come and see me believe that having been active men for many years ensures that you are aware of all the options that are open to you. Nothing could be further from the truth, though. I agree, putting yourself out there and trying things you encounter makes for a wider field of experience, of course. On the other hand, the simple fact that we have our established circle of friends, activities and places we go to leads to what I would describe as ‘digging your own groove’. This means that because you become accustomed to doing certain things, you will ultimately remain unaware of things that lie outside of your established horizon. Yes, you will see the occasional invitation to something you have not done quite yet, but those exceptions will still be somehow within your reach. Think about it, social media is no different: you will be exposed to things that are similar to the ones you already have shown to like, reinforcing that trend a little bit each time. If you never order flowers online you will never see any ads related to that! Unless you are the kind of person who thrives on trying a huge variety of things on a regular basis you WILL end up running in (very large) circles and missing out on things that might just be the best thing ever. The same goes for anything to do with personal interaction, personal growth, sensuality and sexuality. I believe that – as gay men – the last area is probably more rounded than for the general public (ahum), but aren’t most of us guilty of sticking to our guns when it comes to being active/passive, top/bottom, dom/sub, etc.? Maybe you have a couple of “I would be interested to do that one day” items, but they probably are fantasy head cinema rather than something you really want to experience in real life, right? But what about the others? Can you honestly say that you are fully aware of ways to interact with everyone and sundry? That there is no more room for personal growth? That you know everything there is to know about sensuality? Maybe there is something in conscious sensuality that you don't know yet. Having sex is one thing, and if it includes a level of foreplay and sensual touch that is brilliant. But then there is the option to be sensual without immediate sex to follow, or making your physical interaction with your partner full on but with a focus on enjoyment without the sudden crash after the orgasm. For some of you there may even be a possibility to include a more ‘in your mind’ experience rather than just ‘in your body’. Just reading this, ask yourself: are you too old to learn new tricks? Always stay open to possibilities.
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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