You may have been told being ‘shameless’ or ‘too ashamed’ on occasion when it comes to being a sexual being, but shame is by no means attached solely to the sexual act. When going through my tantra training, I sometimes found it hard to engage with my partner in an exercise, but that was particularly the case when we were doing exercises that required a level of setting things in motion to start with. I just couldn’t bring myself to walk over there and get things started… More often than I would have liked to hear it, our teacher told me to address the shame that holds me back. And each time I tried to locate the shame and simply couldn’t find it. Of course, there was always a base level of shame somewhere, but that was not really what was holding me back, I was sure of it. So what was going on? It took me a while, but I finally figured out that being reluctant to engage could have a completely different reason: I came to the conclusion that I simply was too shy, and even a certain amount of desire to do something was not always enough to overcome that shyness. THAT is where the base level shame started to come into the picture: on top of the generous portion of ‘shy’, even the smallest addition of ‘shame’ was too much for comfort. Suffice it to say, I overcame this hurdle eventually. It was important to figure out what was going on and to not just listen to my teacher in that respect but come to my own conclusions. Shame comes up occasionally, and shyness is a constant companion still, but it was helpful to keep the two separate and deal with them one at a time. The same goes when we look at others: if it’s so hard to tell what is going on inside of yourself, how could you ever tell the difference in others? The lesson I took away from my training is this one: never assume that you know what’s going on with your partner, more likely than not you’ll be wrong in your assumptions. a shy person can be drawn in, but if they are ashamed they will be unable to let go
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These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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