Have you realised that your sexual drive is subject to changes: sometimes it is nearly gone and at other moments it feels like you are about to burst out of your skin from desire? It’s perfectly normal for this to happen, but the important thing is to recognise this as a natural process and learning to deal with it without too much worry. Why do you need to “deal with it”, then? Well, it’s a type of imbalance, and like any other sense of being off-centre, it that can throw you off in oh so many ways. First of all, sex may not be brilliant with your libido running on fumes, and sometimes it may be better to simply stick with something less vigorous like cuddles, a nice evening of talking or watching a movie than forcing yourself to do something that does not come naturally. I’m sure your partner will occasionally feel the same way and both of you will be more comfortable if you manage to talk openly about your lack of ‘sexy’ at any given time once you are fully able to acknowledge this state of affairs. The other extreme is equally important to communicate: if you are feeling randy for an extended period of time, your partner may be overjoyed at the increased opportunities to get it on, but equally there is a chance that they find it taxing or overly demanding. There is no need to express this particular state of affairs as it will be very obvious to everyone around. However, if it happens often, maybe there is reason to discuss alternative arrangements to balance things within your relationship? Allowing the energies to dissipate elsewhere, with another person, or finding ways to fit both partners may be a way forward here. Quite apart from the sexual level, feeling randy all the time can easily affect the way you function at work or in company. Like any other emotional or hormonal imbalance, this has an effect on how you behave with other people, more often than not with negative fallout that could jeopardise those relationships. Another good reason to balance things properly, I’d say. On the downside: if your libido is extremely low, it can affect your enjoyment of everyday experiences, interactions with others, and general mood. For one thing, you may start questioning your sexual prowess, but besides that you might just feel inadequate in general, and be sad overall. Keep in mind, all those things usually start out gradually and accumulate over time! Not everyone ends up 100% horny all the time nor totally down right away. These feelings are waxing and waning, of course, and only become an issue if the pendulum swings heavily in one direction and gets stuck there. The good news is this: in order for you to engage in conscious sensuality or Tantra exercises you don't really need your libido to be full on. It's a gentle slope and things will happen nevertheless. Keep an eye out for imbalance and deal with it.
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These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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