Obviously, whenever you engage with someone you’ll be actively gauging just how much you trust them, how close you are to them, how much you want to reveal and what you feel comfortable revealing without overstepping boundaries, your own and theirs. Unfortunately, your sexual drive often overwrites clear thought. Imagine a potentially sexual situation and ask yourself some questions.
What do you want to do? This question is completely separate from the person across from you and this particular moment. You could think about what you want to do with this man or another one at any time of day or night. And that is probably the best thing you could do - think ahead of time what you really wish for in general and start weighing how realistic those thoughts really are. This is the opportunity to relegate some of them to the realm of your imagination! That’s not to say you cannot bring them out to fuel your sex life, but maybe there’s a point to be made to keep them in your mind rather than bring them to real life. What are you ready to do? Once you have found out what you want to do, you’ll need to be realistic about what to ask for. Some of our imagined scenarios are dangerous in certain ways when brought to life with the wrong person. This is where finding a rapport with your man becomes of utmost importance: How well do you know him? Do you trust him? Is your contact based solely on sexual attraction? This is also a time when you should question your own motives. Are you a trill seeker who would go beyond your comfort zone? Could that let you stray into dangerous territory rather than exciting and unknown places? If that prompts quick yesses for you, you may have reasons to be afraid, indeed. If you are afraid you may overstep your own boundaries and regret those steps after the fact, it’s all the more important to give this proper consideration and take the fear away from your actual encounters with other men. What should you do? If your fear is about opening up, maybe you should get to know that man a little better and learn about his ideas and wishes before proceeding? If you are afraid of rejection, maybe it’s time to better clarify your desires for yourself and really own them, for your own sake and the sake of the man you engage with. Either way, fear often comes from a place of murky shadows and lack of clarity, and the way to alleviate this is obvious: figure it out for yourself first and stand up for what you hold true.
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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