We have all been there: feeling insecure about your partner’s reaction isn’t something completely out of the ordinary. Also, it has nothing to do with the fact that your partner is your lover of many years or someone you just met hours before. Whenever you are doing something you are not completely sure about – either because it is physically difficult to do, or you feel like you are unaccustomed to doing it – you may become very aware of what you are doing and become sell-conscious about everything you do. You’ll start second-guessing everything you do and, therefore, drop out of any flow you may have experienced before. Touch, sensuality, sex, … any kind of interaction or communication with a partner, in fact, rely on the actions being fluid and not come across as forced in any way. Of course, there are exceptions when the parameters are slightly different, like in BDSM scenes or any other kind of roleplay. But those simply take the communication to another level and get it over with before things happen for real. The problem here is easy to pinpoint. It’s the fact that you take on a role that you are not supposed to take on: you try to guess what your partner is thinking about you because you are not sure if you are doing something wrong! Let’s stick with your own process for a moment. If you are second-guessing what you are doing, why not take a moment and consider your own experience first. There is clearly a reason why you would think that way. Maybe you feel uncomfortable doing what you do (in which case you may want to stop and tell your partner about that feeling, and then move on to something more appealing), or you are not certain you are doing the right thing (in which case asking a simple question may solve the issue in a couple of seconds flat). Either way, trust your partner that he will tell you if something does not work for him or if he gets crampy … or if he simply has had enough for now. create a space for commentary and accept if none comes
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These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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