Patience means letting go.
When you feel impatient about something – the bus is late, or your performance in your studies is unsatisfactory to yourself – you become agitated to a degree. That sense of “it’s not quite right” and “not good enough”, “not fast enough” is working against your initial intention of being centred in yourself.
Patience does that by letting go of the idea that a goal needs to be achieved right now. Most of us are ensconced in a mental image that things need to be fast, instantaneous, dare I say ‘perfect’? All these and other aspects of our thoughts are not conducive to advancements on any plain of existence. Patience is the lubricant that – if applied generously – will get us where we need to be, and at the right time.
Sometimes, “now” is not the right time for something to happen. We may believe that “I have time right now, so why does it not happen for me”? and by asking yourself that question you actually indicate that this is NOT the right time for you. That there is need to be more patient and to have fewer expectations, maybe?
Patience also means forgiveness of self.
Part of our impatience is that we push ourselves all the time. We may see something that others have achieved before us and we are desperate to catch up. Or we believe that all the pieces are in place for some shift to happen and feel entitled for that advancement. But most of all, we feel somehow ‘lesser’ because we are not there yet, wherever ‘there’ may be.
All these and other sentiments and thoughts do nothing but holding you back, they are roadblocks that you put up for yourself, on your own. It’s time to realise that you have nothing to prove to yourself and stop chastising yourself for being ‘lesser’ in any way.
You are who you are, the best you can be. Forget about everyone else’s experience. Maybe you are simply blessed with a different path than all the others? And how can you tell that they don’t face the same troubles?
Just think of how much more motivated you would be working out in a gym or doing a yoga class with others rather than plodding along on your own! The same is true with tantric experiences: they can happen on your own, but are more likely in company! Such a thing happened to me on several occasions in the last couple of weeks. Once on my own, and several times in online workshops. I’d like to tell you about one instance that was truly remarkable.
I was in a weekly meeting with my tantra group – online, of course – and we were doing an introspective practice that involves sharing experiences and some level of inquisitive questions by the teachers. Something happened that nobody expected: one by one, those who shared something dropped into more and more severe states of energetic flow and increase that we formed a connection and enhanced each other to a point where it felt like we were in the same room.
Don’t get me wrong: each of us experienced things differently and was in our own world, but there was a very obvious connection and deep sense of energetic exchange. One of us was in deep pain and sobbing uncontrollably, one was riding the wave playing with energies surrounding him, one was just violently shaking, and I was privileged to be part of it all. I ended up with all the accumulated energy in my upper chakras dropping violently into my root chakra, leaving me with the most intense sexual drive I had in ages… and nobody to play with. Oh the sweet pain of ecstasy!
This went on in unison for at least an hour online, but it stuck with me for another couple of weeks to its nearly full extent, and still today, weeks later, I feel energetic shifts within me on several occasions each day, with associated shudders, moments of changes in breath that come from somewhere inside.
My mind has taken the steering wheel again since then, but it’s good to know that all that fluid energy stuff I accumulate during more mental experiences is available to be dumped into my sexual being when it needs to be there.
And that time will come. I’m sure of it.
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about.