Looking at the emotion proper, anger tends to start out with annoyance and gradually turns more powerful, becoming proper anger, perhaps even turning into rage. That development can take a lot of time. Usually, we can take being annoyed for a while, but then it becomes something more primal: it feels as if that annoyance is out of our control and keeps going on too long, too often, too loud, too much. The feeling of not having any influence over what makes us annoyed or angry is the final straw that may lead to outbursts of anger, or even rage. It’s all gradual, where annoyance is usually brushed away and builds up, anger is much more outspoken and direct, and rage may involve physical confrontation in drastic cases.
How can we BE with anger in all its shapes without simply disregarding it not letting it bubble up and explode? I believe that much anger comes from that feeling of not being able to control what leads to the anger in the first place. Let me give you an example: I have had a daily train commute for the better part of 25 years, 45 minutes each way on a crowded train. What drove me crazy was the constant cacophony of basslines and screeching high notes from 10 different headsets all across the train carriage. I could feel a nearly physical sense of anger that was only controlled by the knowledge that ‘it’ll be over in 15 minutes’. Of course, that mantra had to be repeated twice a day, five days a week, 52 weeks per year… no resolution was possible. The trouble was that I felt helpless and I had to let go of that wish to control borderline antisocial behaviour in others. So I made sure I did what I could to mitigate things and got myself some decent earplugs for the trip, and then I focused on letting those feelings go whenever they came up. On occasion I went to a quieter place within the train. I know, that feels like giving in to pressure, but sometimes that is exactly what needs doing. If you want to stay sane, that is. I also learned that what annoyed me on the train had more to do with general unhappiness and lack of vision in my life in general than it did with the people on the train. The anger was fuelled from within and once I figured that out and dealt with the actual reasons, I could move forward and ignore the noise. Ultimately, it pays off to dig a little deeper, disregard the apparent situation and find out what really ticks us off. Maybe this is something to apply to your own experience with emotional outburst of all kinds, not just anger...
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These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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