Why is it so easy to make yourself believe you are not good enough, but much harder to see yourself as deserving and wishing yourself well? I think that we are all under the impression that the only way to validate ourselves is from the outside, and society is doing everything to reinforce that belief: from a young age, we are urged to adjust to those around us. If we do, we are rewarded, if we don’t we are made to feel like we have failed. Going onward, school is often all about grades, as is higher education, and when it comes to the workplace, only being “better, faster, more performing” is rewarded. All these situations have one thing in common: you are made to see input from your peers and superiors as more important than anything else, and whatever YOU think of yourself has to take the backseat. The sad truth is this: however often you hear otherwise, you are not supposed to rely on yourself when it comes to self-appreciation. There is a rationale to this, of course: your views are skewed and only others can be objective. There is a level of ambiguity as to how far those views expressed might be meant to undermine you, but let’s assume for now that people have your best interests at heart. Either way, since you are only expected to be critical on yourself, while the input from the outside could go both ways, this leads to an imbalance in perception and you’ll be more likely to feel you are not good enough. What can we learn from this? It is important to allow yourself to see the positive side to your actions. Many of us tend to cypher away what we do well, to underestimate the positive impact we have on those around us. They may not always tell us how much something we have done means to them, but be reassured: they know. And so should you! Give yourself a break. You are probably doing much better than you believe.
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September 2021
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