What is sex? What isn’t? Who decides? Where are the limits? Have you ever given those questions any thought? Most of us have a pretty good idea what constitutes ‘sex’, but how sure can we really be that what we feel is considered ‘sex’ is actually the same for everyone else? Have you ever had that strange feeling that you are different from others in that respect? What constitutes sex for each of us is closely linked to the notion of ‘normal’. We are all influenced by what happens in our lives and a good example for this discrepancy between what you feel is ‘normal’ is our sense of being naked around others. Some of us have no problem whatsoever being naked around others, or at least being in various stages of undress. Others find it a bit of a challenge even taking off a pullover and showing skin on the arms. Of course, we are influenced by what is considered beautiful, but that is yet another issue altogether: even those who fall squarely into current beauty norms can be extremely wary of being naked. And if you have ever been to a beach in Spain you’ll have seen some people who have no problem whatsoever showing off bodies far outside the norm. It’s a mindset that is determined by what we see as acceptable, ‘normal’. Where sex is concerned, things become even more difficult. Not only is there a huge difference in perception of how you are doing yourself, but there is also a good level of expectation you believe your partner places upon you. Once again, it’s all in the mind: you cannot actually know what is going on in your partner’s brain, but what you believe about yourself is blown out of proportion and every small thing that annoys you about yourself may at any time appear as something you think your partner may dislike. Just think about what you do with him: where is your line between sensual touch and sex and is it the same for him? Does he consider ‘giving a helping hand’ to be sex, and do you? Where does ‘sex’ begin? The name Monica Lewinsky comes to mind… Whenever you engage physically with someone, you navigate those boundaries based on your own experience and a certain level of trial and error. If you are lucky and you play with the same partner more than once, you’ll find a balance more easily. With a series of one night stands you’ll find that things are distinctly different and often less layered than they could be. Either way, all too often we go in blindly. I believe it makes sense to get the general lines sorted out beforehand and then properly enjoy what you are doing. figure things out for yourself first, then discuss
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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