Whenever it’s time to start a tantric experience, I’m confronted with a particular issue on a regular basis: my students believe they come prepared for an experience, and are ready to embrace yet another physical encounter. But as soon as it becomes obvious that the practice involves a good level of personal connection, emotional interaction, and spiritual alignment, they freeze up! While they are perfectly happy to get naked in a sauna and think nothing more of it, this more intimate environment makes them rethink their stance. There is an underlying element of shame that does not surface in a non-committal environment, but becomes very overwhelming here. Besides the fact of BEING naked, tantra experiences often involve having your clothes taken off, a situation that most people never found themselves in since they were kids. If this doesn’t pose any problem, the next classic instance of shame tends to surface during practice, when it comes to telling your partner what you like and want them to do. Most of us were told very young that you don’t ask for things, and it feels shameful to do so. Add to this the thought of asking for something sensual, erotic, sexual that you have to admit liking, and you’ll be in troubled water. Besides, you might be affected by the though that what you ask for is uncomfortable to the man you are working with. Whatever you think of asking might seem too audacious to bring up, you might feel silly or embarrassed for asking. Then again, you may find that the other guy is totally into what you are asking, and was ashamed to propose exactly that or something very much like it. Shame is one of the biggest reasons why things don’t become valid options for interplay between partners. Ask yourself: what are you ashamed to ask your partner to do for you? if you don’t ask, you won’t get
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September 2021
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