There are times when you have spent an afternoon or evening (or even days) with your partner and things just keep going for both of you – there simply never comes a moment when it feels natural to stop. Those are blissful times, and hopefully will never cease to return. Nevertheless, at some point you may feel that you have had enough and need to be on your own, relax, reflect or you are simply sore (it happens). Those are moments when your mind is so entangled with your partner’s that it seems impossible to separate yourself from him. Maybe it even feels like a betrayal of your connection to even suggest that you’ve had enough and you want to stop. Have you been in that position? You probably have – I believe we all have been there at least once – but how did you solve the issue? One way would be total honesty: just tell him how you feel and find a way to disentangle yourself from each other in a gentle yet definitive way. It’s all too easy to stay where you are and hang on ‘for just a little longer’. Here’s the thing: you have already clarified your needs and prolonging the separation more than necessary is ultimately going to hurt you both. My advice: when that time comes, be gentle but move forward swiftly. The only other option is to NOT move on and continue until there is a natural break. Believe me, I have tried that and usually it fails: neither one’s needs are being met here. You had felt the need to interrupt and you now feel under pressure. He will sense that something is not going right and either feel self-conscious (maybe even somewhat disconnected) or oblivious to the situation and unlikely to help you out. Clearly, the second scenario is utterly unhelpful and will only lead to heartbreak. The lesson here is simple: stick with your needs and make them known. Sometimes a short break is enough and you’ll be back. Sometimes you’ll shift your togetherness to having a hearty meal or a drink and a meaningful chat. Either way, you’ll both be better off: there will be other times to continue what you did together. In fact, it’s more likely if you stick with your needs, make them known to each other and listen to what the other has to say. never be afraid to say what you feel
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About me
These are my own thoughts on aspects of my work I feel strongly about. Archives
September 2021
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